{WIP} Gratitude

Daddy and Me

I touched about it in my last blog post, but lately I've been having a very hard time of it.  A few weeks ago, I went to call my dad at 5 pm like I always do - I was running a few minutes late and knew he worries.  When I couldn't get in touch with him for twenty minutes, I panicked and called my mother. She rushed home and found him collapsed at the bottom of the basement stairs where he had been since early that morning.  You see, my dad had a brain tumor 8 years ago...and it apparently came back.  The only reason I panicked was because my mom called me that weekend to let me know she was worried about him and was planning on making an appointment with a neurologist.  After a very trying week my father had an emergency angiogram and brain surgery to remove the tumor.  He survived, again. But when he fell down the stairs he fractured his back.  He has only recently been discharged from rehab, and was just informed he has brain cancer.  Apparently a non-bad form of cancer, which only means it is slow forming and won't spread.  He will be starting chemotherapy soon....and I am going to knit him or crochet him some spare mustaches.  I can picture my daddy bald, but not without a mustache.  I am a daddy's girl, through and through and it is hurting me more than you could ever know that I live almost 4 hours away and can't be there for my dad.  I am going through some tough personal things...and life is overwhelming at the moment.  I've had no motivation for much of anything...let alone knitting. But I'm going to be starting therapy next week and hope to rediscover myself and find away to help me cope with this awfulness.

My knitterly friends Erin & Julie suggested I join in the Fat Squirrel Speaks Gratitude KAL on Ravelry.  A KAL to remind us of what we are grateful for while we make something for ourselves.  I can honestly say I drew a blank when trying to decide what I'm grateful for - I know i have much to be grateful for: I have a well paying job, my dad despite everything is alive, I have amazing friends and a loving boyfriend. I am very grateful for Nate who lets me fall apart and just holds me telling me he loves me and it will be OK.  But sometimes I wonder if it really will ever be OK again.

While I try to remember the silver linings, I am going to be knitting myself a pair of fingerless gloves. I've decided on the Vancouver Fog pattern (found here on Ravelry) in some scrumptious Mad Tosh vintage (Earl Grey color way) - I went and did some deep stash diving to find this special yarn I've been saving for a rainy day. I literally just Cast On....so we shall see.